Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Kobold "special shots" are clearly kobold eggs.

In my last post I briefly discussed the hypothesis that the "special shots" used by Kobold Slingers are, in fact, kobold eggs. After a few further conversations and scientific testing I think we can upgrade this from hypothesis to theory.

Just to clarify for those who are wondering what the heck I'm talking about, kobolds in Dungeons and Dragons are tiny lizard people. Along with goblins they are a typical threat to small villages that new adventurers somehow find themselves in service to.

In 4th edition, kobold slingers (along with a couple of other types of kobolds) can sometimes use a special shot for their slings. There are three varieties:
1. Glue pots - These special shots cover the kobold's opponent in a sticky goo that leaves the adventurer (the opponent) immobilized.
2. Stink pots - These special shots emit a smell so horrific that the kobold's opponents becomes distracted and inaccurate in their aim.
3. Fire pots - These special shots set the kobold's target on fire.

At first you may think that these are actual pots the kobolds are using, but keep in mind that the tiny lizard folk are not known for being remotely intelligent or civilized. The idea of a kobold working at its tiny potter's wheel is far fetched.

We do know, however, that kobolds are reptiles. Reptiles lay eggs. We also know that koblds are rather careless with their lives AFTER they have hatched, so we can only assume that they wouldn't have much of a qualm using their unborn progeny as ammunition.

Furthermore, the three varieties of "pots" follow a clear system correlating with egg freshness:


A few days after being laid a new kobold egg has a fresh and sticky yolk making it the perfect "glue pot."

Both immobilizing AND super-gross.





After a few days the once fresh yolk starts to go bad and smell putrid. The once mighty kobold shell may become cracked releasing an unholy smell.


While the kobolds may be accustomed to the stench, their foes are not.







Lastly, the rotting yolk eventually completely rots away leaving only an empty shell. These empty shells are strong enough to carry a rag and some flammable oil, but are still fragile enough to explode on impact sending deadly fuel everywhere.


It's a kobold-style Molotov cocktail. Also, still super-gross.




And there we have it. Proof that kobolds WILL throw their own flamming eggs at you and drench you in the gooey substance that might at one point have become their children.



Thursday, March 3, 2011

Enter Xolok...


... the Terrible.

As I related in my last post, our group had emerged victorious against a young black dragon living in the sewers of the town. The battle, however, had cost the lives of both our bard (whom I think I forgot to mention actually) and my very first D&D character, Iannan Cluelacker, Cleric of the Raven Queen. Eventually the bard was stabilized. Iannan still could not save out of poison or death. It was a sad couple of minutes for everyone.

A lot of blame for both deaths could be pretty squarely placed at the feet of the kobolds who guarded the dragon. The creatures managed to keep me (and other party members) immobilized with "glue pots" thrown from their slings for most of the battle, which allowed the dragon to just engulf us in its horrible acidic breath repeatedly.

Following this battle, broken and disgusted, we had a little discussion with the DM:

Alan (Player): So these glue pots are like the best thing ever. Can we gather some for ourselves?

Loran (DM): No.

Alan: What do you mean? They all just happened to use their last glue pot?

Loran: Well, you can gather them. You can't use them though.

Alan: How can we not use them? They're pots with glue in them. How can a kobold figure out how to use them, but not people?

Loran: They are a special technology that only kobolds can use.

Me: What if I rolled a kobold?

Loran: Yeah, well maybe if you were playing a kobold.

Me: I'm bringing a kobold next week.

Loran: Fine, but he has no glue pots.

I didn't even know what stats or non-glue pot related advantages a kobold might have, but I went ahead and rolled a kobold rogue. Kobolds don't get any race-specific feats like the regular player races do, but they do get to shift as a minor action, which gives them a huge advantage as rogues. Mechanically I could already see myself enjoying this character over poor Iannan. Rogues with their bonuses to attacks with daggers, kobolds with the bonuses to being sneaky and thievy, shifting as a minor, bonuses to dexterity... this was going to be fun. 

The first issues we needed to resolve, of course, was the introduction of Xolok, why he would join the party, and, of course, what to do about the glue pot situation.

Xolok first encountered his party making their way back to town through the sewer. He had slept through the commotion of the rest of his tribe rushing out to meet he intruders and dying in defense of their beloved dragon. He awoke to find the quarters empty and hearing the sound of his fellow kobolds perishing in the distance. Gathering up all of the various shiny things he could find in the room, he took the off down one of the sewer hoping to get in on the action.

With a loud crash, Xolok dove out of the sewer pipe with what he considered amazing and cat-like agility wielding two very shiny (and therefore good or magical in Xolok's mind) butter knives.

He was confronted by a very battle-weary band of adventurers covered in kobold blood and carrying one of their own back to town. Rather than being upset that the adventurers had wiped out his entire tribe, Xolok seemed mostly upset that he has slept through the entire battle. Crestfallen, Xolok offered to help the adventurers find the quickest way to the surface in exchange for being permitted to accompany them on their journeys and to collect any shiny objects he might find along the way.

It was never quite clear why the adventurers accepted this little kobold into their group. Maybe they thought his tiny size and skill with locks would come in handy... or more likely they were just tired and bored of battle and wanted to reach town quickly for a well-deserved rest.

The topic of glue pots soon came up though. The dragonborn paladin, perhaps the least anxious to let the little pest into the group, asked if Xolok was carrying any glue pots and if Xolok was adept at using them.

Xolok reacted as if he was disgusted and surprised by the paladin's ignorance of glue pots...

I'm a male kobold, buddy. I can't lay those.
Thus the mystery of the kobold-only glue pot technology was solved. Next time: Xolok and the Paladin of Bahamut discuss religion.
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